Saying Goodbye

Today has been a trying day. I attended a child's funeral. This past Wednesday, one of the young ladies I worked with in the group home passed away. She would have been 8 November 25th. This is the 3rd kid in as many years. It hasn't gotten any easier. I mean, of course it hasn't. It's never easy but when they are so young, it's even harder. When you've spent most days caring for and loving these children as if they were your own, it just plain old sucks. I've recently (in May) stopped working at the group home after 5.5 years, including two mat leaves. These kids have taught me so much. They will never, ever realize the pleasure it has been knowing them. They are by far the most amazing, wonderful, loving children I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. RIP sweet little angel. I will never forget you. xo

Bowling

For some time now Jack has been asking me to take him bowling. When he first asked, my reply was that I would take him some day. Last week he started asking me when some day was that I was going to take him bowling. Today was that day. I took him bowling for the first time. It was fun. He enjoyed himself. I was afraid that maybe he wouldn't like it when he realized he wasn't a pro bowler, throwing only strikes like he does when he plays on the Wii. That wasn't the case at all. I explained to him that he might not throw any strikes and he didn't and he was okay with that. We did have the bumpers down. I hate to have to admit this but we tied. I think I bowled the worse game of my life. It was fun. I'm looking forward to taking him again. Here are a few photos.

The Early Mornings Begin.

I've been noticing that I'm starting to wake up early again. First it was 630/700, then it was 6ish and now my dear friends I'm waking up between 500/520. Today was even better. It wasn't even 4 fuckin' 30.
I don't get it you know. I just don't get it. This sleep problem I have, it's only from the months of October until about March/April. I sleep very normal, socially acceptable hours for 6 months and the other 6 months I have the bedtime routine of an elderly person. Fuck. I'm still in my 20's, I should not have anything in common with someone who is elderly. I'm been debating whether or not to take Melatonin. It's been suggested to me a couple of times, including from my Doctor.
I was doing some reading on early waking. It seems that there are people who want to wake up early. You can easily find books and articles with techniques to wake up early. Here I am complaining about it and there are some poor souls out there who wish they could.
Benjamin Franklin is quoted to have said: "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Huh.

First Day

Jack survived his first day of school. It seemed to have went well. He was looking forward to going. He didn't seem the least apprehensive. He kindly gave me a kiss before going off to play and said "I'm going to miss you today Mommy". Melt my heart. I sent him off and told him to have a good day. I held back my tears until after the door closed behind him.
Jack later told me school was fun. I asked him if he wanted to go back. He told me he was going back next Tuesday.
I still can't believe my little Jack is now a school boy. Such a big, big milestone. I'm so glad I was able to spend as much time at home with him as I have. I will never regret working only part time while he was young.
Although it saddens me that I'm working much more now and not spending as much time with Oliver, it helps knowing that Shawn is able to be home with Oliver, at least for another couple of months.

Biting

Ugh. Oliver has started to bite. What the hell? It's starting to really annoy me. Twice now he has bitten Jack hard enough to leave little teeth marks. Jack is pretty good about it. He just tells Oliver "NO BITING" until I make my way over to remove him. I'm not really too sure what I should be doing. I just firmly take him away, sit him on his bum and tell him we don't bite. I would like to think that is enough and is getting the message across because he gets upset and cries when I do this, but he will do it again (not right away but later on). Every time he comes near me and puts his mouth anywhere near a body part, I cringe and anticipate a bite. I haven't had to deal with a bitter yet. I hope this is a phase that goes as quickly as it came.
Suggestions anyone? Please don't tell me to bite him back. I would never, ever do that. That is just horrible.

It's Been A While

It's been ages since I've thought to sit down and write. I just don't ever seem to find the time. I've been working like crazy. This Sunday/Monday is the first time I've had two consecutive days off in weeks. It's the one real downfall to working part time and relying on picking up shifts. That and not getting paid vacation time. Sure, I get paid for vacation but we get paid out 4x a year vs getting paid for any vacation time used.
I can't believe that in just over 3 months time, my baby boy is going to be turning 2!! Yikes. That's just crazy. I can hardly believe that it has almost been 2 years. It certainly does not feel like it's been that long. Dare I say I am almost starting to get the itch to have another. It certainly doesn't help that my best friend is now expecting her 3rd baby. We've had both of our kids close to each other with 5 months between our oldest children and only 1 month between our youngest. This is definitely the one thing I struggle with each and every single day - deciding if I want to have any more kids. A family of 4 is a nice, round number. It works well. The thought of never having another pregnancy and baby though, completely saddens me. Like how do you decide? How do you know if you want to have more kids or not? I know I can't decide. I also know that right now the thought of having another baby scares the shit out of me. Babies are a lot of work. I'm just getting out of that stage, do I really want to go through it all all over again? Of course if we had another kid that would mean having to move again. That I know is not something I have any interest in doing. I'm pretty sure too that we've met the quota for how many time Shawn's friends are willing to help us move our shit. Shawn of course is all on board for having another baby. Of course he is. He's not the one giving birth to it mind you, I don't find giving birth that big of a deal. It's a few hours of some intense pain but meh, it's not biggie. Not really a deterrent. I do tell him though that this time around, he would be the one staying home with the kids and I would go back to work. After the first 16 weeks, Daddy is entitled to take a parental leave from work and that is exactly how we would do it. I don't know how SAHM's do it. I love my boys and I enjoy every minute I have with them but I also like going to work and being out in the real world working. I'm just not SAHM material.
Tomorrow, one of my good friends (Chantal) is celebrating a big birthday (30). I've known Chantal since we were just little. She is who I used to call to come and bowl with me when we had the annual Buddy Tournament. I think I used to call her to go to Friday Night Fever with me at the YMCA too. We don't see or talk to each other for weeks and even months at a time (despite the fact she now lives less than 30 minutes away), but when we do talk and get together, it's like not time has passed at all. Happy Birthday Chantal! I'm totally dreading this birthday. I'm happy I still have another 4 months to go. I knew there had to be some good out of having a late birthday.

In Memory of Grandma

It's been a year since you received your wings. I think of you each and every single day. I miss you so much.