Helicopter Mom vs Free Range Parent and Finding Balance

Helicopter Parent:  It’s a term for parents who believe their child is so vulnerable — to injury, to teasing, to disease and disappointment — that they have to sort of hover (like a helicopter) over the child, ready to swoop in if anything remotely “bad” happens.

Free Range Parent:  Common sense parenting.  Letting your child do things he can when he shows he is ready to.

I've been really struggling lately.  Especially since the weather has become nicer.  With the weather being nicer, the neighborhood kids are out and around a lot more playing.  Although I would love to be outside for 3+hour stretches at a time, what is becoming every single day, I just can't do it.  I've started to wonder when it is okay to let  your kids outside to play in your own yard/driveway without being there hovering.  I have started to let Jack out to play without my direct supervision.  His full time supervision has been downgraded to semi-supervised.  There can be anywhere from 2-7 kids ranging in ages from 4-8 outside at any given time.  Some of these kids are neighbors and others from down the street in both directions.  They tend to congregate here at our place or next door.  I go and check on things every 10-15 minutes, sometimes with just a quick head count and up date on where the other kids have gone and sometimes I just peek out, make sure everything is okay and say nothing.  Jack has done well with this.  He stays in the yard as asked.  He always comes when I call him.  He continues to play well with others.  He enjoys himself and has fun. 
I do not do this yet with Oliver.  He is too much of a wild card.  It's hard because his time outside is a little more limited having to be directly supervised still.  Poor pumpkin. 
Some of you might not agree, and think that 6 is too young but I don't think so.  I could play the "what if" game but I don't see anything productive in playing that game because "what if nothing happens and he's missed out on all that fun for nothing".
I wonder at what age it will be okay for Jack to walk himself to school.  When is it okay to ride your bike around the block on your own?  I just don't know the answers to these questions.  While I'm sure it will be different from one child to the next, how do you know when your child is ready.   Jack has shown me through the times he has been outside on his own to play that he is very capable to do so. 
I'm neither a helicopter parent or free-range parent.  I don't know if I have it in me to be a free range parent, but I'm also working hard to put away my hover-mama tendencies. I'm somewhere in the middle, trying to find the perfect balance.  What about you -- where do you fall on the protective parent continuum?

Slacking

I have done nothing but be a slacker all month.  I've been neglecting many little corners of my life.
I had enough of the chaos that was surrounding me this week and went on a clean and purge bender.
I now have only the kitchen left to tackle and our bedroom closet.  It has felt very good.  Very refreshing.
I love freecycle because when I purge,  I put all the shit stuff I've collected into little lots, post them and people come and take it.  I don't have to go anywhere.  I don't have to do anything.  People just take it.  THANK YOU!   I've also unpacked from when I was at my Mom's last.  When was that you ask?  Oh the week of March Break.  If there is anything worse than packing, it's unpacking.  We tend to just live out of the suitcases once we get back home.
It's been a really long time since my kitchen floor has had a decent washing.  Spot wiping counts right?  Tell me it does.  Tell. Me. It. Does!  We very rarely ever eat at the kitchen table so it is just covered with a heaping pile of mess (eh Tiff).  Every time I clean it off I tell myself I'm not going to use it as a dumping ground.  That lasts until I have something in my hand I just want to put down and don't know what to do with. It's no wonder I've had to write Jack's teacher 2x this year to tell her I can't seem to find his sightwords (both times I found them buried under said crap on the table).  The second time, I also let her know that I lost my mind and couldn't find it either.   

Speaking of Jack.  He has lost two teeth.  His little toothless grin is very sweet.

He gets very excited when he finds a "piece of money" under his pillow.  The going rate for teeth these days seems to be a bit steep.  While "our" Tooth Fairy leaves only $2/tooth, the going rate apparently can be anywhere from $5-$20 to even a toy!  Seriously?  For a tooth?  I am unable to wrap my head around such a thing. 
My little Oliver.  Boy that kid is so cute.  With his big brown eyes and his sweet, little smile he could melt anyones heart.  He really is a sweet, caring and loving boy.  Honest.  He is also a little hellion.  He is at a frustrating age.  He's all "hey i'm a big boy" one minute and "i'm not a big boy" the next.  I've said it before and will say it again, the threes are horrible.  I don't believe there are "terrible twos".  I believe the threes are.  I often wonder how starting school is going to be for him.  He's still so little to me.  He is still going to be 3 when he starts school. 
Reed has finally cut a tooth.  He now has two teeth.  Took long enough.  Coincidence that every time Jack loses a tooth Reed sprouts one?  He has also figured out that he can move when up on all fours and not just rock back and forth although that seems to be his favorite thing to do.  He doesn't move far up on all fours but he can crawl.  He does know it is much faster to slither on his stomach so this is what he usually does. 
I'm working on getting him to use his pincer grasp.  He seems to be a little delayed in this area compared to the other two boys.  I know, don't compare the kids but I just feel like we should be beyond the raking and grasping.  I'm anxious for him to begin feeding himself and giving him real food.  I make a significant amount of my baby food so I know the food is "real" but I mean food that isn't mushed up together.  I guess I will just have to wait until he is ready. 
I have been completely neglecting my camera and haven't been taking many pictures of the kids.  I get mad at myself when I do this.  Goal for spring...take more pictures of the kids. 
Well school morning is calling so I should probably feed Jack some breakfast and make his lunch and all the fun things that go along with a school day. 

Cheers

It's Almost That Time

So holy shit.  It occured to me just the other day that I am due to return to work in (gasp), 3 more months!
I cannot believe that 1-Reed is 9 months old now (well days away from being) and that 2-It's almost that time.  The time to return to my other job.  My job that pays. 
Of course I can believe it's almost time because I've done this twice before but for some reason, the time seems to have gone by way faster this time around. 
With only 3 months to go, I should be getting on things like I don't know, maybe looking for daycare for the kids.  I have no idea how or where I am going to find daycare that is going to have an opening for 3 kids, is within walking distance to school and accomodates shift workers.  Oh, do I hear a near impossible?  Oh let me add to this list.  They won't be going full time.  They might not even need to go the same days every week This should be fun.  I do have a phone number for two home daycares that do accomodate shift work, and one of those is within walking distance of school.  I just don't know that they will be able to take all 3 kids.  It's hard looking right now too because I don't know what days exactly I will need someone.  I work part time (Mon, Wed, Thurs and every other Saturday).  Shawn is in the midst of starting a new job so I have no idea what his schedule is going to be like until his training is finished.  I think this is the beginning of April.  Oh that's cutting it close.  I'm hoping that between our two schedules, we can work it out so the kids don't need to go to daycare very often or at all.  I do however know that I am not looking forward to paying the daycare bill for 3 kids!!  Ouch.  It's going to hurt.  Lets all pray we can work it out so they go very little.  My bank account will thank you for those prayers. 
As much as I enjoy being home with the boys, I am also looking forward to going back to work.  I like my job.  I like the people I work with.  I like the time away from the kids.  This full time SAHM thing just isn't my cup of tea.  Working part time is a good balance.  I still get to be home with the kids during the day (I work evenings), 2 days a week plus every other Saturday and all Sundays plus I still get to go out and use my brain and skills outside of the house.  I couldn't ask for a better work arrangement while the kids are still small. 

Happy 6th Birthday Jack

It was exactly 6 years ago, at 0516 Jack's wet, slippery body was placed in my arms and I offically became a mother.  It was this day, that my life changed forever.  Please, bare with me as I reflect on this time,

Our first meeting

I can still remember so vividly the day I found out I was pregnant.  It was an unexpected shock.  As I was walking into the clinic to get some birth control pills (I had no more refills, which I didn't find out until I went to renew my prescription), I certainly wasn't expecting to be walking out with a prenatal package.  It was the scariest day of my life.  I was scared as hell, shocked, stunned even.  Shawn and I had only been dating a little over a year and a half.  The topic of having children had never really come up.  What the hell was I going to tell my mother?  Although I was okay with being pregnant (I was in a relationship, I had graduated college, I had a job, I was 24), I knew my Mom would be disappointed that I wasn't married.  I waited a long time before getting the balls to finally tell her.  If I remember correctly, I was 11 weeks.  It was after I had my first ultrasound.  I didn't know how to tell her so I just got her to sit down, close her eyes and I placed the ultrasound pictures in her lap.  Needless to say, she was very surprised.  Her first words being "Are you ready for this?" like I had a choice anymore.  Too late to be thinking about that Mom. ;)

30 weeks

I had the best pregnancy every.  I had very little to no morning sickness.  I think maybe twice I felt nauseous.  I felt great the entire time.  Not that I was in denial about being pregnant, but it was nice to be able to just carry on as if I wasn't (aside from a few minor tweak).  I never had to miss any work.  I worked right up until a week before Jack was born.  I didn't need to modify my work at all.  I simply carried on.  I think I will always remember getting busted by my supervisor scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees.  I think I was 37 weeks along.  I think I did more nesting at work than at home.  I don't think I did any nesting at home.  I gained a whopping 40lbs when I was pregnant.  I very much went the whole "I'm pregnant and I can eat what I want, whenever I want" route.  My biggest weakness:  the brownie.  I ate one just about every single day.  My days were not the same without one.  One time, my roomate ate the last one.  Good thing he was at work when this was discovered because it probably wouldn't have been pretty. lol  Despite my 40lb weight gain, I didn't get any stretch marks.  Well, I got I think two, tiny little ones.  Hardly noticeable.
Labor and delivery went very smoothly.  It was Superbowl Sunday.  I had gone to bed pretty early, probably like 7pm.  At 9, I woke up having to go to the bathroom.  I went.  I went a few times, peeing only a few drops at a time.  I was feeling a little crampy but thought nothing.  At 11pm, I was still getting these cramps so I called the hospital.  All this time, Shawn is downstairs watching the Superbowl.  I haven't mentioned a thing to him.  She asks me a couple of questions then suggests we go in just to be assessed.  My first thoughts "oh shit.  shawn has been downstairs having some beers."  I wasn't due for another week.  I go downstairs and tell Shawn what has been going on the past two hours and tell him we need to go to the hospital.  Luckily, I don't think he was too many beers deep as it was a work day the next year.  Regardless, he drove me to the hospital.  Once there, they hooked me up to the fetal monitors.  When the Dr decided to check to see if I was dilated at all, it was discovered I was already dilated 8cm!!  That freaked me out.  I still had to call my Mom.  She still had a 2 hour drive to make.  I wanted my Mom!!  They took me to the delivery room.  I asked for an epidural.  Being as far along as I was and managing as good as I was, the nurse didn't think it was necessary and tried to talk me out of it.  I had just been so dead set on getting one that  I didn't pay any attention to what the nurse was saying to me and insisted on having one.  Looking back now, and having delivered two more babies naturally, I wish I had listened to her.  45 minutes of pushing and my little bambino was born.  All 6lbs 14oz of him.

Minutes within being born

My life has never been the same since.  The intense feeling of love you feel for you children is beautiful and scary.  From the very first second you see them and hold them you would do anything in the world to protect them.  Not a single thing in the world matter more and it's crazy when you think that and you have only just met them.
I'm very proud of the young man Jack is becoming.

At 6, Jack can count to at least 120.
At 6, his favorite thing to do is play wii
At 6, his best friend is his cousin Nicholas
It has been 4 years since Jack has eaten a vegetable
At 6, Jack loves Star Wars.
His favorite toy is his General Grievous lightsaber.
At 6, Jack still has and sleeps with his blankies
At 6, Jack is the best big brother I can expect him to be
At 6, Jack still loves to cuddle as much as ever and I love it!

Happy 6th Birthday my little Jack Attack.  Mommy is very, very proud of you and I love you to infinity and beyond!

My handsome boy

Sophie the Giraffe

Just about everyone who has an infant or toddler knows who Sophie the Giraffe is.  She is made of rubber (which I think smells nasty btw).  She is soft, light, and easy to hold.  Babies especially seem to love her bumpy head for chewing.  Hell Reed shoves a whole leg in his mouth and gnaws away.
Sophie however is pretty expensive.  She retails for about $25.  That is quite a chunk of change for any infant toy. 
I was far too cheap for spend that much money on a teething toy.  Then Reed started teething.  I remembered my niece had one so I asked my sister what she thought of it.  She had stated that Rita loved it.  She asked me if I wanted to use it.  To save myself the $25, I said sure. 
Reed's Sophie is very homely looking.  After we washed, and scrubbed her clean, she was left with no spots.  She is just a white giraffe.  Not nearly as cute as she looks new.  Whatever, I didn't care. 
I can however say that she would be worth every single one of her $25.  He loves this thing.  I would say it's his favorite play thing.  He loves to chew on her.  It's really quite cute watching him chew on her.  I'm actually  glad sometimes that she isn't as cute because I think I would feel bad when she is looking up at you when he is chewing away on one of her legs. 
It's hard to know what products out there for babies/kids are worth the money and which ones are just a trend.  I always thought of Sophie as a trendy toy but as I said earlier, she is very much worth the money.     I don't think of her as a trendy toy anymore. I wish I had known about her when Jack and Oliver were babies.  I would definitely suggest this teething toy to any of my friends who are having or have babies. 

Family Photos 2010

Remember that disastrous family photo shoot we attempted back in December?  Here are a few of my favorite shots.  I am very happy about the few photos of Oliver she was able to get in the 3 minutes he cooperated.  I'm still sad that we weren't able to get any of Reed but what can do you?

Photos are courtesy of Jillian Bickle in Cobourg.

Loose Teeth

Jack has his first loose tooth.  This is a time that I have been completely dreading.  Loose teeth give me the heebie jeebies.  The wiggling creeps me out.  Seeing teeth just hanging there is gross.  Watching people attempt to pull teeth out makes me sick to my stomach.  I had to inform Shawn last night that he will indeed be the designated tooth puller.  In my perfect little world, none of the kids teeth will get pulled out but will just fall out on their own in their own good time.  I however, remember what is is like being a kid and wanting your loose tooth pulled because it can get in the way and make eating difficult and being anxious for the tooth fairy to come.
Jack was very excited to tell me that when his tooth falls out that the tooth fairy will come and leave him gold coins under his pillow.  I was quick to inform him that the Tooth Fairy is not a pirate and although she does leave coins under the pillow, (I emphazied the coins part because this tooth fairy is not leaving paper money under the pillow) they will not be of the gold variety (unless he considers loonies gold). 
Although I have an idea of how many coins will be left by the Tooth Fairy, I question - How much does the Tooth Fairy leave for teeth at your house?  Did she leave more for a first tooth then subsequent teeth?