And Then There Were Five...

That's right. You read correctly. We are having a baby. Our third baby. I wasn't too sure how I felt about this at first but am now getting excited. I am 11 weeks and 1 day according to today's ultrasound. Our due date is June 22, 2010.
I've been feeling very tired. For about 3 weeks I had the worse case of nausea/vomiting ever. Something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. Then, as quickly as it came, it went. Aside from feeling totally and completely exhausted, I feel great.
Should be every interesting going from having two kids to three. We are going to be outnumbered. I wonder how that will go.
Here is a picture of our little bambino.

Shared Laundry.

We live in a triplex with shared laundry. There is something that I find truly annoying and very inconsiderate and wonder if it's just me being petty or if I have some legitimate complaining to do.
I realize we live in an apartment with shared laundry. I get it that sometimes the washing machine and dryer are going to be in use. I do understand this.
What is starting to bother me is that it seems that every time I go downstairs to do laundry, there is laundry sitting stagnant in either the washing machine, dryer or both. I'm not just talking a small amount of time either but hours and sometimes until the next day.
For instance, two weeks ago I went downstairs to do laundry at 9am and there was clothes in both the washer and dryer. I went down again at 1030 to find the same laundry in the same place. I went down again at 130 and it was still the same.
The same has happened again last week. I went down at 1045 with laundry sitting in the washing machine and the dryer. Neither were running. I went down again at 1200 and it was the same.
Today, at 430 Shawn went down to do laundry and there is laundry in the washing machine. I went down again at 600 and it was still there. There wasn't even any cars in the driveway which means nobody was home.
After these long periods of time, I go ahead and fold the laundry that is in the dryer and put the wet clothes that are sitting in the washer on top of the dryer. I once even dried a load of someone's laundry so that I could use the washer and not feel so bad about doing it.
I don't know what to do. Do I knock on their door and ask them to finish their Ahhhh.

Saying Goodbye

Today has been a trying day. I attended a child's funeral. This past Wednesday, one of the young ladies I worked with in the group home passed away. She would have been 8 November 25th. This is the 3rd kid in as many years. It hasn't gotten any easier. I mean, of course it hasn't. It's never easy but when they are so young, it's even harder. When you've spent most days caring for and loving these children as if they were your own, it just plain old sucks. I've recently (in May) stopped working at the group home after 5.5 years, including two mat leaves. These kids have taught me so much. They will never, ever realize the pleasure it has been knowing them. They are by far the most amazing, wonderful, loving children I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. RIP sweet little angel. I will never forget you. xo

Bowling

For some time now Jack has been asking me to take him bowling. When he first asked, my reply was that I would take him some day. Last week he started asking me when some day was that I was going to take him bowling. Today was that day. I took him bowling for the first time. It was fun. He enjoyed himself. I was afraid that maybe he wouldn't like it when he realized he wasn't a pro bowler, throwing only strikes like he does when he plays on the Wii. That wasn't the case at all. I explained to him that he might not throw any strikes and he didn't and he was okay with that. We did have the bumpers down. I hate to have to admit this but we tied. I think I bowled the worse game of my life. It was fun. I'm looking forward to taking him again. Here are a few photos.

The Early Mornings Begin.

I've been noticing that I'm starting to wake up early again. First it was 630/700, then it was 6ish and now my dear friends I'm waking up between 500/520. Today was even better. It wasn't even 4 fuckin' 30.
I don't get it you know. I just don't get it. This sleep problem I have, it's only from the months of October until about March/April. I sleep very normal, socially acceptable hours for 6 months and the other 6 months I have the bedtime routine of an elderly person. Fuck. I'm still in my 20's, I should not have anything in common with someone who is elderly. I'm been debating whether or not to take Melatonin. It's been suggested to me a couple of times, including from my Doctor.
I was doing some reading on early waking. It seems that there are people who want to wake up early. You can easily find books and articles with techniques to wake up early. Here I am complaining about it and there are some poor souls out there who wish they could.
Benjamin Franklin is quoted to have said: "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." Huh.

First Day

Jack survived his first day of school. It seemed to have went well. He was looking forward to going. He didn't seem the least apprehensive. He kindly gave me a kiss before going off to play and said "I'm going to miss you today Mommy". Melt my heart. I sent him off and told him to have a good day. I held back my tears until after the door closed behind him.
Jack later told me school was fun. I asked him if he wanted to go back. He told me he was going back next Tuesday.
I still can't believe my little Jack is now a school boy. Such a big, big milestone. I'm so glad I was able to spend as much time at home with him as I have. I will never regret working only part time while he was young.
Although it saddens me that I'm working much more now and not spending as much time with Oliver, it helps knowing that Shawn is able to be home with Oliver, at least for another couple of months.

Biting

Ugh. Oliver has started to bite. What the hell? It's starting to really annoy me. Twice now he has bitten Jack hard enough to leave little teeth marks. Jack is pretty good about it. He just tells Oliver "NO BITING" until I make my way over to remove him. I'm not really too sure what I should be doing. I just firmly take him away, sit him on his bum and tell him we don't bite. I would like to think that is enough and is getting the message across because he gets upset and cries when I do this, but he will do it again (not right away but later on). Every time he comes near me and puts his mouth anywhere near a body part, I cringe and anticipate a bite. I haven't had to deal with a bitter yet. I hope this is a phase that goes as quickly as it came.
Suggestions anyone? Please don't tell me to bite him back. I would never, ever do that. That is just horrible.

It's Been A While

It's been ages since I've thought to sit down and write. I just don't ever seem to find the time. I've been working like crazy. This Sunday/Monday is the first time I've had two consecutive days off in weeks. It's the one real downfall to working part time and relying on picking up shifts. That and not getting paid vacation time. Sure, I get paid for vacation but we get paid out 4x a year vs getting paid for any vacation time used.
I can't believe that in just over 3 months time, my baby boy is going to be turning 2!! Yikes. That's just crazy. I can hardly believe that it has almost been 2 years. It certainly does not feel like it's been that long. Dare I say I am almost starting to get the itch to have another. It certainly doesn't help that my best friend is now expecting her 3rd baby. We've had both of our kids close to each other with 5 months between our oldest children and only 1 month between our youngest. This is definitely the one thing I struggle with each and every single day - deciding if I want to have any more kids. A family of 4 is a nice, round number. It works well. The thought of never having another pregnancy and baby though, completely saddens me. Like how do you decide? How do you know if you want to have more kids or not? I know I can't decide. I also know that right now the thought of having another baby scares the shit out of me. Babies are a lot of work. I'm just getting out of that stage, do I really want to go through it all all over again? Of course if we had another kid that would mean having to move again. That I know is not something I have any interest in doing. I'm pretty sure too that we've met the quota for how many time Shawn's friends are willing to help us move our shit. Shawn of course is all on board for having another baby. Of course he is. He's not the one giving birth to it mind you, I don't find giving birth that big of a deal. It's a few hours of some intense pain but meh, it's not biggie. Not really a deterrent. I do tell him though that this time around, he would be the one staying home with the kids and I would go back to work. After the first 16 weeks, Daddy is entitled to take a parental leave from work and that is exactly how we would do it. I don't know how SAHM's do it. I love my boys and I enjoy every minute I have with them but I also like going to work and being out in the real world working. I'm just not SAHM material.
Tomorrow, one of my good friends (Chantal) is celebrating a big birthday (30). I've known Chantal since we were just little. She is who I used to call to come and bowl with me when we had the annual Buddy Tournament. I think I used to call her to go to Friday Night Fever with me at the YMCA too. We don't see or talk to each other for weeks and even months at a time (despite the fact she now lives less than 30 minutes away), but when we do talk and get together, it's like not time has passed at all. Happy Birthday Chantal! I'm totally dreading this birthday. I'm happy I still have another 4 months to go. I knew there had to be some good out of having a late birthday.

In Memory of Grandma

It's been a year since you received your wings. I think of you each and every single day. I miss you so much.

Aside from time going by at warp speed, not much has been going on.
Father's Day weekend we went up north to Shawanaga to spend the weekend with Shawn's parents as we do most years. This year however we decided to send Oliver to my Mom's for the weekend. Having Oliver at Shawn's parents would have just been a disaster. Of course with the bugs being at their peak, Jack was again eaten alive. The poor kid. He reacts so badly to mosquito bites. One morning he woke up and couldn't even open one of his eyes because it had swollen so much from a bite near his eye. It was then that I thought it would be a good idea for him to go to Nana's too.
I had invited my Dad to come up to Shawanaga for the weekend too so I sent Jack to Midland when he went back home. Aside from the bugs, it was a nice visit.
This Tuesday night, we headed up to Laura's to play some poker. Upon getting Jack ready for bed, I noticed he had quite the rash all over his body. It kind of freaked me out a little but I chalked it up to he's been playing outside and has some new mosquito bites. I never know what to expect when he gets bit by a mosquito.
When he woke up in the morning, the rash was looking a lot better and a few hours after that it was almost completely gone. I was wondering if maybe it was 5th Disease.
Because Jack didn't get a whole lot of sleep, we decided Jack should have a rest/nap yesterday. When he got up from his rest/nap, the rash at exploded all over his body again including creeping onto his face. It made me nervous that it was now on his face so I decided to take him to the walk in clinic.
Turns out, he had hives. The hives could have been caused by one of 4 things. Tuesday (the day the rash first appeared) when I gave Jack his bath, I used to body wash for bubbles and washed his hair with my shampoo. Both a first. The mosquito bites though I don't think it was from that because he's never broken out in hives - just big welts and bumps. Lastly, the Dr said his body could just be having a reaction to a virus. Because Jack also has a bit of a runny nose, the Dr stated it was probably the later. Poor little guy. He of course refused to make any kind of medication so I've had to sneak the Benadryl into a cup of juice. I've learned not to try to sneak things into milk. One day when trying to give him some Advil in his milk he said to me "Mommy, my milk tastes like dirt" LOL I wish they made children's medicine into chewable pill form. It really would make things a lot easier for me.
This weekend we will be going to Laura and Johnathon's 4th of July party. Should be good times. It's nice too that the kids are able to come and enjoy themselves and there is room for them to sleep. I wonder how I will be feeling Sunday morning. I'm not a big drinker so I'm sure it will be me up with the kids while Shawn enjoys a nice little sleep in. Of course if I do decide to have a few bevvies, it will be just the complete opposite. We shall wait and see.

Mid Week Post

Not much going on here really. This past week, I've been feeling extra tired. I just don't feel like I have any energy. I'm beginning to think this is because I don't often get two days off in a row. This never really leaves me with a lot of time to do much resting/relaxing. I'm looking forward to my shift being over tomorrow because then I am off for 5 full days!! During those five days off we will be heading up to Shawanaga to see Shawn's parents. I've been quite looking forward to going up there. It sucks though that it's supposed to rain this weekend. That puts a damper on many activities we plan to do while we are there such as going to the beach, playing horseshoes and going to Shawn's parents trailer.
I have invited my Dad to join us for a night. I was happy when he told me he would come. I don't get spend a lot of time with my Dad so it will be nice. I'm especially happy because it's Father's Day and I didn't want him spending a bulk of the day by himself.
Ugh, I'm looking at the time and it's totally screaming at me that it's time to get ready for work. I suppose I should listen. I hate having to rush.

Guilt

My Pepere passed away yesterday at the tender age of 101.
When my parents separated just over 11 years ago, my visits to my Memere and Pepere dwindled significantly. At first my Mom would still go over to visit them and then she stopped. When she did, I pretty much did too. She always encouraged me to go and visit them but I never did. It was strange going over to their house without my parents. I don't know why. It's not like I didn't bike over to their house by myself as a kid. Why would it feel strange as an adult? I think I was always afraid that because of their ages, they wouldn't remember me.
My Mom always told me that one day when they've passed away I would feel guilty for not visiting them more often. She was right. After finding out yesterday, it's exactly what I've been feeling after sadness.
It's been a really, really long time since I've seen either of them. It breaks my heart that the next time I see my Pepere will be at his funeral. How am I ever going to forgive myself for this? Even though I'm not expecting my Memere to remember me (she is 97 or 98), I can't wait to give her a hug and tell her I love her. I wish I could do the same with my Pepere. Lesson learned.

May you rest in peace Pepere. Je t'aime.

Happy Mother's Day

M is for the moan, and the miserable groan
from the pain that She felt when I was born

O is for the oven with it’s burnin’ heat
where She stood makin’ sure I had something to eat

T is for the time that She stayed up at night
and took my temperature when I wasn’t feelin’ right

H is for the hard earned money She spent
to keep clothes on my back and try to pay da’ rent

E is every wrinkle I put on Her face
and every worry that I caused when I stayed out late

The last letter R is that She taught me Respect
and for the room up in Heaven that I know She’ll get


Mr. T’s Be Somebody…or Be Somebody’s Fool!

It's Like A Mini-Vacation, Only We Aren't Going Anywhere.

My Mom is taking both (yes, that's right...BOTH) of my boys for a few days starting Saturday. I'm having conflicting emotions about this. I'm of course very excited to have a few days to myself and to spend some time with Shawn, just the two of us but I'm going to miss them like crazy. I don't think both of the kids have ever been gone together at the same time. We are going to be child free for at least 3 days, probably 4. Am I even going to know what to do with myself? No diapers to change, no endless cups of milk to fill (seriously, sometimes I think we should just buy a cow or a dairy farm), no cars or action figures to avoid stepping on. That of course also means no morning hugs and kisses, no cuddles, no tickles, no sound of their laughter and no tucking the kids into bed. I'm going to miss them both so much. At least when only one of them is gone, I have the other to help fill the void in my heart. I'm going to have no one to do that. It's going to be nice though and I'm not going to lie, I could use the break. I've been working my ass off since Shawn was laid-off from his job and I'm tired.
Shawn and I don't often spend a lot of time together just the two of us. It really is going to be nice to spend some much needed quality time with him. It's hard to do this with two small children. I thank my Mom (and Grampa) for giving us this opportunity. You guys are the best!

My Budding Photographer

For Christmas, Jack's Nana and Grampa bought him a kids digital camera. Until this past week, he hasn't really played with or used it. I took my camera with me when we went out for a walk the other day and Jack decided that he too wanted to bring his camera. While on our walk, he took a few photos. It was very sweet watching him decide what he wanted to take a picture of and taking the pictures. I think at least 1/3 of the pictures he took were of his thumb or a finger in front of the viewfinder. He was quite sad when we got home and there was no picture of the slide at the park. I think this turned into one of the thumb pictures. I'm quite excited to watch his picture taking skills develop as he continues taking pictures. It's pretty interesting seeing the world through his eyes. I can't wait to see the next set of pictures he takes.

Happy 5th Birthday Nicholas!!

I just wanted to take a quick minute to wish my nephew Nicholas a very happy 5th birthday!
I remember just two short months ago how hard it was accepting that Jack was turning 4. I can't even imagine how Laura and Jonathon are feeling about Nicholas turning 5. Five seems like such a big number!!

Hoping you had a fantastic day Nicholas! We all love you very much!

Registered Jack for School - Check

Well I think I had to do the hardest thing yet to date today. I went and registered Jack for school. I put on my brave face and walked with the kids to the school and dropped off his registration form. It may seem like a small, simple task but it was hard. I have to try really hard not to let Jack see how much it's killing me that he'll be going. I don't want him to think it's a bad place. I want him to be excited about school so I have to pretend to be excited about it too, and I am, really. Of course I'm excited for him to start school and make his own friends and help satisfy his thirst for knowledge. But I'm sad about it too and that's okay.
I remember my doctor confirming with me that Jack would be starting school in September. He then proceeded to say that it's a good thing he was born early in the year because that will make him an older kid in his class and that is good for boys. When I turned to him and said "so I guess Oliver is shit out of luck being born in November and all", he kind of half smiled but didn't really say anything. I think he knew he put his foot in his mouth. I thought it was funny.

Quick Update

It's been a while since my last post. I just haven't really felt the motivation to sit down and write about anything. To be quite honest, I still don't really have to write about. Not much is going on over here. It's time for me to go to our local public school and register Jack for school. Maybe I'm finding this a little bit harder than I thought. Part of me is excited for him to start school. Meeting new friends, learning new things, developing his own identity. Another part of me is sad. I'm sad to say goodbye to my little boy. Not being there for him if he's feeling scared or lonely, not being able to help him tie his pants or zip his coat if it gets stuck. It's really going to be hard to let go.
Shawn is excited that Jack will be attending the same elementary school he did. I threw around the idea of putting Jack into french immersion next year when he starts S/K but Shawn completely squashed that idea. Shawn has these preconceived ideas on "what type of people those people are". I kindly reminded him that I went to a french immersion elementary school. I suppose I still have a year to get him to change his mind.
Oliver is doing well. He is now 16 months so it's time to prepare to take away the soother. Although it's going to be a couple of shitty naps and bedtimes, it's almost time for it to be done. My deadline is to have it gone by 18 months. We currently only have it for naps and at bedtime and for long car rides. I think I should have done it when Jack was at my Mom's. I thought about it. I tossed around the idea to Shawn but never actually did it. Jack at least wouldn't have had to listen to the crying/yelling I'm anticipating for those few bedtimes. I suppose we'll likely end up carrying around another blankie or some kind of teddy. Hopefully I'll be able to buy a double of whatever it is that becomes his snugglie. Mind you that didn't work out so well with Jack. We went from having one blankie to two.
Oliver is way behind on his immunizations because he's had a cold his last two check ups. We have a lot of catching up to do over the next couple of months. Should be good times. I hope Drs realize that this is probably why children are afraid of them. Although, maybe that's why he gets the Nurse to do it so that she is the bad guy. Thankfully it's spring now so we shouldn't have too many more colds to worry about.

Happy 4th Birthday Jack

"It is truly a gift to have a son like you who grows more precious with the
years!"

Author Unknown

Done and Done

We are now all moved and just about settled. The move went smoothly thanks to Scott and Derek. Seriously, I love these kids. Because of them, I never have to help move big, heavy, bulky items. Ever. As much as I know they must hate helping us move (especially since this was like the 4th or 5th time we've moved now), they just come over with smiles on their faces and help out without ever complaining. Well okay, maybe they do a little complaining but they at least use humour.
The highlight for all the boys came when Scott took one look at the back of our couch and realized it came apart into 3 sections. (Back Story: When we moved into the apt downstairs, when they finally got the couch inside, they all said it wasn't coming back out). Now, aside from organizing our bedroom, we are pretty much good to go. Thank goodness too because it's time for Oliver to come back home. He's been at my Mom's house for 10 days now!! He's coming back here a walking toddler. He even got a haircut so that of course ages him. They always looks so different after a haircut. I'm excited though. Beyond excited. I can't wait to see his smile, wrap my arms around him and squeeze him so tight I'm sure I will almost break a rib. What I'm looking forward to most however, is having Jack see Oliver again. Aside for about 10 minutes last Saturday, they haven't seen each other for 17 days. Jack tells me every day he misses his brother. He's going to be so happy to see him again.

Four Years

In just over 3 weeks, Jack is going to be turning 4. Did you read that? He's going to be 4!! I have been finding this very hard to come to grips with. Four? Already? Has it already been 4 years? Shit. Seriously, it does not feel like I have been a mother that long already. It really makes me feel old.
These past four years have gone by so quickly. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Jack. Let's just say, I was very, very surprised. In shock even. Oh, I shed many tears as soon as I had left the health center office. I remember the look on Shawn's face as I walked out of the office. I remember him putting his arms around me, asking me what was wrong and telling me everything was going to be okay. He told me he would support me with whatever decision I made (like there was even one to be made).
I kept being pregnant a secret for a long time from everyone but my best friend and a couple of girls from work. I can remember how scared I was to tell my Mom. I don't even know why I was scared to tell her. I was 24, graduated from college and in a committed relationship. What was I even afraid of?
He's taught me a lot. Patience (some of you may laugh at this because I still have a lot of work to do but trust me, I'm better) being the biggest. He has also taught me to have better time management skills, the art of compromise and that leaving anything that you don't want broken, colored on, spilled or in the toilet within reach and unattended for even just a second = bad idea.
These past four years have been a whirlwind of fun. I wouldn't trade them for anything. It has been the best four years of my life and I am looking forward to continuing to watch Jack grow into the little man he is becoming.

Possessed

Oh geez. It's been awhile since I last posted. I'm blaming it on Edward, the object of my vampire obsession. Seriously. I didn't get it at first. I didn't understand what the big deal was about this vampire love story that everyone kept talking about. Then, my sister is all over the books and so I decided I was going to read Twilight. It's a good thing I was at my Mom's while I read it otherwise my poor children would have been neglected for the day and a half it took me to read it. Kidding, kidding. I wouldn't neglect my children. I'm seriously, joking. But for real, I couldn't stop reading it. When I got to the end, I just ripped right into the second book New Moon. I've now finished the 3rd, Eclipse and am waiting for Wednesday to get a copy of Breaking Dawn. I can't wait. I'm going to be so upset when I have no more story to read. I may just have to start all over. I've never done that. I don't think I've ever read a book more than once. I would read these 4 books again. Weird.

Christmas was good. The family was all over. The kids received many, many gifts. We are very blessed to have so many people who love us. We somehow managed to sit us all around the table together at the same time for dinner. It was nice having all of my family over and together. It got a little crazy at times but it was all worth it. We made our way over to Laura's to spend some time with Shawn's family. Every Christmas I feel bad that one of our family's seems to get the shaft with our time. I at least try to even it out by alternating whose family gets it each year. That makes up right?
New Year's was very low key and by low key I mean I was asleep by 9:30pm. I worked until 8pm, then came home, sent Shawn on his way and curled up on the couch to watch some TV. I didn't last very long.

If we are moving in 4 weeks, I guess I should start thinking about packing. Now it's to go out and get some boxes. I hate that part. There are never enough boxes. At least we are only going upstairs so that will hopefully make it easier. I'm banking on this fact. There is just so much stuff. How did we accumulate so much stuff? There is going to be a serious purging of toys. The kids don't play with half of the toys they have. It's been a long time since Jack has asked me to open the toy box. He can't be too interested in the toys that are in there. I've already waved my white flag and given up my home until the kids are both school age but still, there is a line to be drawn on how many toys are really necessary. How many shape sorters does one kid need? And books. Don't get me wrong. I love books. I love books, I love to read, Jack loves books and loves to be read to. But we have so many books. Many, many, many books. Books everywhere. Two shelves full, the top of the shelf, under the tv, in cubbies, scattered across the floor. They are everywhere. Do we read them all? Of course not. We read the same ones over and over and over again. I can't wait to purge. It's going to feel so refreshing.